he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
