so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
