I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
