No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
