I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
