Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
