At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
