I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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