yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
