so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I need water and some morals
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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