It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I got inside last night via doggy door
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
