im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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