I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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