So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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