Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
