Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I intend to get homeless drunk
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
