That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize