You're completely useless in the revolution.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
