it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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