Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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