Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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