Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
