Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
