That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
