I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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