u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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