i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
