So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
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You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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