It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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