you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
