Whod you bang
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
