im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you win again, gameday.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
