i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
