I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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