If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Randomize
