You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
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She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
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Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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