youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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