I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
