One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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