from now on my penis is your penis
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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