I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
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At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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