You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
