How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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