I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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