How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
