the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
