I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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