i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
