don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
