As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
