Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
