She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
