That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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