All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
