They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
