He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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