I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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