Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
