He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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