i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
