The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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