he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
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He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
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i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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