everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
