she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Don't EVER smell your tampon
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
