I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
