I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Quick, to the slutcave!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize