you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
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she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
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I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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