she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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