I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
