my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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