I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How does one acquire holy water?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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