Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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