Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
