YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There r osticjed everywhere
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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