there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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