I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
