lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
