Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
