Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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