somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
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i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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